I wish someone told me, bc look at me now

I wish someone told me

I wish someone saw

That I was trying to get done

To finish the race

As if I could have won

.

I wish someone told me

It’s not a comparison game

You’ll be done when it’s your time

Not when ED tells you it’s right

.

I wish someone told me

2021 doesn’t have to be the cut off date

You can work through another year or two

Recovery isn’t linear

And you too can heal

As an adult

You deserve this

Just as much as any adolescent does too

.

I wish someone told me

It’s okay to struggle

To feel

To heal

And not in some bogus way either

But for real

.

I wish I heard someone when telling me

Take your time

Heal

Feel

Let those emotions flow out

And just be all real

But ED became the muffler

I heard none of it

And in return I faked it

And painted a beautiful canvas

Until it looked like I made it

And look where I’m at now

I’m stubborn, he’s stubborn. ED just shut up

Why am I stubborn

Why do I feel this need

This desire

I must be this way

Can I change?

.

I ponder and wander

Will this ever end

I’m hungry.

Shut up!

I’m dizzy.

Stop that!

These migraines…

Oh shush…!,

There’s no need for that

.

Let’s go out

Time to explore

But then there’s this

Then there’s that and more

Maybe we should just stay indoors

.

What’s my weight

What’s my score

Am I sick enough?

Once more..

.

See me

See me

But no body does

I must explain it to everybody

And who wants to do that

Not me that’s for sure

.

Treatment 7 times

No thank you

But she says for some it takes that much

But I’m better than that

Aren’t I

For at least that’s what I told Ed

Last year

.

Do I need treatment

Can I do this on my own

Why is this voice taketh over me

This pesky little thing

It feels so big

I’m bigger than that

I’m older and wiser

So why do I feel victim

To him

Like he’s another captor

.

To him I speakth of is my ED

EATING DISORDER

For those who don’t know

I’m annoyed

I’m bewildered

I’m frustrated

And I’m pent up

Full of anger

.

Why can’t I control him

He’s so annoying

I feel psychotic

Why must I have an Eating Disorder

Or why must it have me

Recovery Real Talk

I saw my body this morning

I saw it in the mirror

I wandered and I questioned

I pondered and I lessened

The thoughts I had

The mind went racing

I ran chasing

But lost it out of sight

Run faster

Run faster

But I couldn’t keep up

Falling down

Down

Down

I’m trying to climb a slide

Trying to go up this slippery slope

But all it wants from me is to

Stay down

.

I see my body

It’s starting to fail me

Depleting

Deleting

Retreating

From me

It says goodbye

But I want to say hello

What can I do

Am I stuck

Or is there a way out

Help me body

Don’t leave me alone

I still want you

But my mind is telling me go

Go

Go

Go

And

No

No

No

Help me

Catch it before it’s to late and I’m wasted

.

Help me

Help me

Im screaming inside

But will the words ever flood out

That I just don’t know.

Im here though

Just see me please, before for me

And everyone else it’s too…

Too late.