Category: Uncategorized

Old doors closed

If he doesn’t see me

That’s his loss

I can’t change me

To make him happy

I am me

You can’t stop this

I’m Devine

And called

And full of purpose

All you are

Is a copy

a wanna be

Trying to break us

Im free

I’m grown

I make my own decisions

So just wait

And watch me

S

O

A

R

And trust me when I say

I won’t be caught looking behind

At past old doors

Autumn Breeze

Nothing better then

to smell the autumn breeze

to take a deep breath

and just see the beauty

surrounding me

It’s so beautiful and

so perfect

He created something

we Often mistaken

but there’s so much beauty

and peace

and grace

just look around you

and embrace the glory of God’s grace

it’s all around

such a beauty

such a sight

A delight right in under our eyes

and so let’s open up of minds and eyes

To see what we can find

When my mentality changed!:)

For the last month I’ve had tremendous personal growth! I’ve started bettering myself in the gym and growing so much in my self worth and growth in my journey of life and recovery! I feel made new! It’s been a long and rough 2018 but 2019 already looks so much brighter! I’m so thankful for taking a I can and I will mentality on! Since I started doing this, that’s when all my negative thoughts and doubts went away. I started finishing tasks that I kept pushing back to a later date. That seemed to never get finished. I’m so proud of myself and where I am now from where I was before! So much beauty in the process and in my journey!! Love life and living life to the fullest again! So much light when you change your mindset over to this mentality and conquer the mind over matter concept. You’ll be able to do anything!!:)

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“There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When your interested in something, you do it only when it’s convenient. When your committed to something, you accept no excuses ; only results!” -Kenneth H. Blanchard

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#blessed #newmindset #ican #iwill #icaniwill #loveyou #lovelife #newyear #mindovermatter #fuelingyourself #gymtalk #journey

My Body! My Friend!

Treating yourself with respect is important! Loving your body is key! Being genuine and kind and respectful is ideal! Treat your body as a temple! It’s the only one we will ever get and it will keep you alive, healthy and living well as long as you treat it well, fuel it properly, treat it respectfully, give it what it desires, build it up, talk it up, be positive to it, love it and allow it to be your closest friend. Because In the end, you’ll never be able get away from it and it’s beautiful and your body was created for a purpose and to help you with all your heart desires and dreams! So love you, ALL OF YOU!! Your body deserves that much!

#lifechanges #bethelight #positivevibes #positivethinking #positivebeatsperfect #myfriend #mylife #mybody #respect #healthy #whole #healed #heartsdesires #loveyou

Being open, if you want to listen!

This may be a LONG post I sure do love to write but I’m Proud of what is about to be read and excited to express!:)

Hey darlings, I hope y’alls Christmas season was special and you made many memories! I would have to say this Christmas was a big step for me. This Christmas was my first Christmas without my Eating disorder taking everything over. My mentality was free of obsession of what’s okay or not okay to eat. What to do after I ate, etc. This Christmas Eve and day I didn’t have to go in guarding my self on what others may think or say to me about my dinner plate. Instead I had many ask me questions about my tattoo and not once was my actual Ed journey brought up but how much they loved my tattoo and they encouraged me to eat as much as I could! Probably the best thing they could say! THIS CHRISTMAS IS THE FIRST CHRISTMAS FOR ME BEING SOBER FROM ANY AND ALL ED!!! 🙌🏻👏🏻

I would have to say it’s been a journey, to be honest no one ever knew, unless it was someone that I dated. I never was one to open up about my feelings until lately. I always only told the person I was dating when I felt most comfortable. So when I opened up about my ED this year to family and friends. I had no idea what to expect back. There was multiple types of responses, that could of fled me backwards but thanks to knowing when to open up and always referring to this photo. I always knew that was a lifestyle I chose to not look back to ever again and to grow and prosper as who I am now within.

-Remembering how I can’t keep looking back at the what if’s in the rear view window of life but look forward and focus on the now and the road ahead. Bc when I get stuck looking back is when I’ll miss the greatness that’s ahead of me or even right beside me!!

I have finally gotten the courage to share my story here after a picture was taken of me at the beach October 18th. This was a turning point for me. That weekend was filled with so much love and care by people that were rather new in my life and had no idea about my struggle. A simple photo of me was taken in my bikini after eating and feeling so much love on the trip. Not thanking twice about turning back to my (bulimia, anorexia, or orthorexia). This is when I realized I had made a change in my life and I didn’t even realize it. This photo reminds me everyday as my screensaver on my phone, of the beauty God has given me and that I must take care of my body. It’s the only one I ever will get. This photo flooded me with so much love for myself and my body and mind. It was the first photo of myself I was just so care free and truly comfortable in my own skin! It just showed me a journey that flashed like a video In my mind of where I was to where I am and where I can be! So beautiful and truly brought me to tears, I was literally bawling.

Thankfully, I have finally gotten the courage to share my story to anyone and everyone now! To help encourage others, to be there and be a listener. Be the person I wish I had and to be aware of those around who may be hiding from others like I was. I’m so thankful for the ones I have in my life and this self love challenge I went on for the 25 days of December. The lovely advice and live videos of Melissa wells herself and all the lovely ladies being so vulnerable. Truly beautiful to see.

-For several years I had suffered from ED. Never truly feeling worthy enough. It ruined me for years, I’m thankful for the ones who knew and could handle to stay but don’t blame the ones who couldn’t. People can say it started off young, I would wake up some mornings and tell my mum, that I don’t like bread crust, chocolate, cheese, etc. and it was always completely random but very easy for me to flip my mind over to believing it was bad for me to that I didn’t like even if I adored it. But truthfully it truly deeply started back in high school my junior year when I felt no love and fell into the hospital. The only way I felt I could numb my pain from hurts from others throughout my years and for people to realize I was hurting. This brought attention to my pain but not the true underlining hurts. It’s easy to say after counseling I started to get better but they weren’t fixing my underlining problem. Just my obvious hurts, not my hidden Ed. Mentally- I was either very emotional or like a rock and nothing hurt me(numb), I was self-conscious constantly, and which seemed like I was always on guard from others or I’d crumble and physically – I hated what I looked like and thought I couldn’t be pretty enough without being super tiny but needing a big butt and big breast. I mean this is what society tells us.

This created body dysmorphia which I struggled to believe I had for years. I used to see myself as not fit enough or not tiny enough, or not large enough bust. Now looking I want to cry and sometimes do, I was way to small and easily bruised. Everyone loved how small I was but never knew how much it took out of me to get me there. My body is beautiful just the way it is now, so thankful I can finally see that and love this!

-Just like any recovery I had months or weeks that I was recovered, but then something emotionally draining would happen and it would lead me to relapsing. I wasn’t fully recovered emotionally to be recovered truly.

-That’s why when I finally saw myself as happy and whole back in October, it was a turning point for me. I then chose who I allowed to affect me and not in my mentality. Who to allow in my life or come to realization who to kick out because they were only hurting me.

-This photo holds so much weight to me, and I’m beyond thankful for this day and the memories that followed!

-This self love challenge I have went on has just grown me more and more and truly helped me better myself and grow!

-To sum it up…. I have had a few sober months with no relapses and in my heart I truly fully believe that I have over come this haunting disorder that over took me. I listen to my worth and my body. I provide and give it what it wants and needs. No longer under a society spell to satisfy some worthy scale, i no longer only eat a super small amount jus to get me by, I no longer specifically eat only what looks healthy and obsess over the good foods and I no longer throw up after eating a meal, because of feeling empowered when I do or feeling unworthy for that meal.

MY BODY has lead me to a better lifestyle with honestly leaving me in the best shape I’ve been which seems like ever. I am so beyond proud how far I’ve come, short or long, a journey is as unique as the one in it, not one to compare to or judge but one to love within it and care about and to show self love to!

-I started my website and instagram rather recent back in November was my first post for my journey and body love and positivity Instagram. BUT I have always felt that my purpose was to inspire and help others in the best way I can and know how! I want to be able to help others along there journey and express that I understand where they’re at and that I’ve been in there shoes. I’m not just someone who has knowledge of this and feel like they know it all because of some books or schooling but no I’ve been through this and conquered it. Leaving my enemies of Ed in my past to never see again. I’m a warrior princess!🥰

-With doing this and opening up, I’ve managed to come across quite of a lot of people I had no idea whom had struggled as well or need some help. Just from me opening up have led me to helping others in there journey and hopefully start a beautiful chain reaction! Now who would of thought that I’d be here today expressing my emotions and telling my story to help another. But I’m sure thankful I am! So what I’m trying to say is, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE. YOU MUST JUST SET YOU MIND TO IT AND BE DETERMINED AND YOU GOT THIS!

**** YOU TOO CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF AGAIN AND TRULY FEEL THIS SELF LOVE I FEEL TODAY AND LONGED FOR SO MANY YEARS!! 💗

-Now believe me when I say this I am not perfect, I’m perfectly imperfect. No one is 100% perfect but each one of us is perfect in there own imperfect ways. That’s the beauty with this thing called life. We each bring something a little special to it. But I understand I’m a work in progress but we all have our quirks, so please understand this if you come across someone who struggles or even with yourself, be patient and loving and caring and kind.

-This perfect scale so many of us think of or see is just make believe and irrelevant to your true inner beauty that can’t be measured and is so evident to so many! Please try to see this!

*If anyone can relate or want to just have a community to come to, you’re not alone, I do the same thing! Now my inbox is always open, to vent, talk or just to have an listening ear to speak to!:) I believe community is important and following pages that help you along your journey and encourage you is vital! Just like this group, it’s makes me very comfortable to be in and see y’alls lovely post and the support y’all bring! And my dreams are for one day to speak to thousands of my journey and triumph and be able to help as many as I can. But that starts with the one. You must care for the one before you can care for the thousands! So today that’s what I’m doing! Loving on those I can and caring for all those I can reach!

(Now if any one would like to follow my journey and story I have my Instagram page that is

https://www.instagram.com/bodyloveandpositivity/)

-I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings! I already have my New Years plans set out for me. And I feel so empowered and ready for this journey ahead of me. 2019 bring it on, I have a beautiful mind set prepared and healthy for you and this new year and I wish it upon all you lovelies in this page as well!!

P.S. here is that photo of me in a bikini that kick started my true self love for myself and my body (this is the photo I have as my screensaver, that I added loving words to as well to be reminded everyday) and knowing that Victoria secret body’s are false advertising and seeing your bones is not healthy. Also here is a photo of my tattoo of triumph and recovery and beauty!! (each color has a meaning, the word, writing and style as well all have purpose!)

CHRISTmas Time is Here!!

Christmas is the season

For loved ones and joy

To cherish one another

And be present and near

Christmas isn’t about any struggles

We leave those at the door

Christmas is about the ultimate love

Of one another

And Jesus Christ

Who was born in a manger

This very day

To always be there for us

And remind us

Of all the joy and happiness we have within him

This very day and forever more

So today choose love

Choose joy

And choose life to the fullest

If someone tries to waver you

Remind them of your savior

And how with him living in you

Nothing can shake you

And he’ll always protect you!!

Be informed

Until people realize eating disorders are not a choice but a mental illness. It’ll just be a constant cycle of uneducated people trying to fix people with ED by sayin things like “you need to eat more” or “you’re not treating your body with respect” or “you need to take care of yourself” etc. A person with ED knows all these things but still struggles. We tell ourselves this enough, we don’t need others bringing it up as well. This will just bring us further into a pit of possible destruction.

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Hurtful phrasing-you should eat more or u need to eat more

👍🏻

Useful-fuel your body how it desires and needs

#care #bethelight #whennooneknows #shinethelight #lifechange #orthorexia #bulimia #anorexia #recovery #eatingdissorders #phrasing #wakeupcall #everyonewakeup #timeforachange

You don’t know how it feels, till it happens to you..

This couldn’t be more true

Everyone tries to understand you

Like it’s a easy thing to do

No matter what it is

ED

sexual assault

Emotional

Sexual

and physical abuse

That’s just my story

But yours could be similar too

It’s not just one thing or the other

This video may be revolving around just one

But the lyrics go so much deeper than that

And people around you

Always want to help

But usually always

With bandaid words

Or things like

“Pick your head up, your fine”

“you need to eat more”

“you’re not treating your body with respect” “you need to take care of yourself better”

“That is in the past, time to move on”

“Are you not giving it to God”

“Are you sure that’s what happened”

“Build a bridge and get over it”

Or they try to twist your words to make it seem better or okay

I say no

It’s time to take a stand

And speak up

We are women

We are proud of it

Our journey

Our story

May be different

And hard and heavy

But it’s the story and journey

That made me and you the way we are

So let’s stand against those critics

And commenters

We are strong

We are beautiful

And we will stand as a unit with our fellow ladies

To console

And be there for one another

Because I don’t care

If it’s been 20 years since it happened

Or

20 weeks or 20 days

There are triggers

There are moments

And there are memories

That can come back up

Even when we fought the battle

and Concurred it

So always remember

Weather you know the full story

or think you do

It can always be deeper than that

And you don’t understand what it’s like

TRUTHFULLY

Unless you went through it exactly like me

Plus even if you did, this doesn’t mean it’s the same

So choose love

Honesty

And care

Because this journey for the recoverer

Is filled with hills and valleys

Some hidden and some shown

But always for the one recovering

Unpredictable and unaware

We thank you in advance for trying to help

It’s just not always

Fine and dandy

Or easy in fact

To truly cheer up after any kind of pep talk

With the memory videos flooding back

in our minds on constant replay

We’re trying our best to just remain focus on the talk

And to show love

*So please remember this, if you love someone or know of someone who has some kind of battle they face and take no hard feelings to it either, we mean no harm.