I can’t stand a liar.

Don’t gaslight me.

Your blatant lies are now unveiled

Your denial of what’s true

Is nasty, rude and was affecting me too

You used what was near and dear to me

As ammunition to just break me

You caused me to fall back

Into this ED story

You wore me down

With do time

I had no idea

It was all a blur

You did it so gradually

I was a loss for words

Actions speak louder than words

This so true

Your words were unjust and untrue

How can I trust

When I’m manipulated

In my past from you

But you treated me with such positivity

When I was in the limelight

Gave me positive reinforcement

Was it Just to confuse me

Or to unease me

You did confused me

Tried to weaken me

Took my past

And knew what I longed for

Knew what I hated

And knew my history

And took advantage of this

I ask you, why me?

You project and project

But at the time I didn’t see that

You did it so well

But look where it left me.

After you..

How could I not see

You were isolating me

Aligning people against me

Making up lies

Saying it’s from them

Just to hurt me

And make me run to you

My constant and comfort

Oh how hurt I was

How broken I was

To not truly see

You spread your lies

Had everyone hooked on your every word

Oh he could never do anything wrong

And made me look like the small bird

And you a mighty eagle

Leaving me deceived

Along with others you see

You questioned my sanity

And left me gasping for air

You make me question everyone but you

No one has the right answers

So I must come to you

Everyone lies

Everyone but you

That’s what you at least tried to make me to believe

You see

I was naive

Broken and lost

Now I see what you really did to me

And how hooked to your every being I was

Never again shall I seek so low

Never again will I allow such pain to bestow

Such a worthless man

Took my everything

To leave me cut, rung out and dry

Never again

You lead me down such a dark path

Just for you to be thriving

And making it big, in fact

I suffer now

Possible PTSD,

Eating issues,

Trust issues

And more I’m sure

All Because of a man

Who knew how to manipulate

A young woman

To the core

https://www.yourtango.com/2017302022/what-gaslighting-11-scary-signs-happening-you

Anxiety all around me

Anxiety filling me up

I’m full

This anxiety is killing me

I can’t take hold

I know I should just say let’s go

And walk it out that door

But every time I happen to

See or hear

Those things or messages

I’m filled

I can’t loose grip

I’m stuck

I’m drowning

I’m drowning in my anxiety

Help me out

Pull me free

Because I don’t have the courage

The courage to start over again

To leave it at the door

And have to try this all over again

I know I should be free

Free of this feeling it brings

Once I happen to see or hear

These things that feel like

They’re killing me

But what can I do

When I want one thing

But when I have sight or glance or hear this

I want to curl up

And run away

I don’t deserve this

But I stay

And I’m stuck

And I don’t know

What my next turn will be

I guess we all

Including me

Will have to wait and see

No one gets it

Not truly at least

Even the ones

Whose been through it

It’s not the same

✨

you and me

Our stories

Are vastly different

Scary the same

But details and affects

Are all so different

They need to see

I wish they could or would

for me

✨

I have my besties

I’m thankful for that

They understand me

Well as much as they can in fact

I love them so

This I know they know

But I can’t help but to break down

Because I just don’t know the

Why? or how?

What? or when?

Me? Why?

I express this to them

But thankfully they never waiver from me

That’s how I know

They truly are there for me

and care

✨

So many changes

To be made

So many steps I have to take

Yesterday is done

Thankfully

But I know they’ll be more to come

I just hope I can handle them all

Without emotions going out of control

✨

Because I am here

I have emotions too

I feel things

I just don’t always express them to you

i tend to suppress them

hide them

im silent

Trying to handle ‘em

But struggling just the same

There’s only one or two

That I’ll express this to

But everyone else can get a gist of it

And that’s it from me

✨

Not to be rude

But it’s hard for me to trust

With this for sure

But I’m beyond thankful

For my two though

That I can truly trust

So beautiful put! We hold ourselves to such a high standard that we oftentimes miss the fact that we don’t have to do it all. Be you. Love you. Be whole. Cherish you! You must be 100% you in your own solid identity,personality, character all without wavering before you date get into a relationship. This coming from that type of women he was talking about. That used to be me. And if you can’t be happy and fill whole unless you’re in a relationship then you are not a whole person.

*YOU HAVING YOUR OWN IDENTITY MATTERS!

*YOU BEING A WHOLE PERSON, WHILE BEING SINGLE MATTERS.

*GROWING AND NOT SEARCHING WHEN BEING SINGLE MATTERS.

* FOCUSING ON YOU AND YOUR CHARACTER MATTERS.

*LOVE YOU!

*THIS GOES TO BOTH MAN AND WOMAN.

Guys can feel like not enough as well and we must both realize that temporary happiness will never amount to being enough or keeping you full and whole. But ultimate joy from the lord and love for your self and worth will! This is a year to be the best you, you can be! Even if that means ending some relationships (friends,lovers, etc) or changing some habits. But you can make the change and once you do! You’ll be so proud of yourself for doing so and thankful! Beyond thankful!!

✨Life is a journey but the view is great! It may be a challenge at times but don’t allow this to shake you! Because if it doesn’t challenge you, you’re not being changed. You should want to want to evolve and grow and be the best you, you possible can be. So accept the challenge you’re facing. Because in a few weeks, few months and/or few years you’ll be happy you did! With seeing your growth and where it took you!✨

#godisgood #healed #challenges #seasons #change #bethebestversionofyou #bestyou #inspiration #positivevibes #positivity #positivebeatsperfect #takeontheworld #onedayatatime #youreamazing #yougotthis #challengeaccepted #newbeginnings #newlife #newjourneys

This is a sensitive subject for me, but this has been my life the past few months with anytime I workout along with tinnitus, so here’s my representation of it in poem form.

I can’t hear

I feel inferior

What is going on

Am I under water

✨

I hear an echo

I don’t seem to quite see

That I’m only echoing

To me

✨

I get overwhelmed

I feel lower

Does everyone around

See that I’m struggling

✨

They can all hear

Perfectly in fact

But I’m struggling

To read your lips

It doesn’t add up

And seems so whack

✨

I’m going to try once more

To work out

And have a genuine conversation

Without reading your lips

Anyone’s in fact

✨

But please don’t get frustrated

If I ask you to repeat your self

Once or twice more

For me to make since of it

And to be sure

✨

Instead of being puzzled

And trying to form a sentence

out of what I’m receiving

She’s blossomed

Into a beautiful flower

She knows that she can’t continue to grow

Without sunlight rays upon her skin

So she runs from the darkness

Whenever possible to make sure

She can grow within.

It’s been five years

Marking today

That you’ve been gone

The one man

I could be my entire self with

Held me accountable

Loved me unconditionally

Was a joy to be around

Apologize when we wrestled

If I even peeped an ounce of discomfort

We were inseparable

Ying and yang

You were my best friend

My boyfriend and

Family

All at the same time

No matter the season

You were there

I was your bubbles

And you were my knight

We went to your one and only dance together

Now wasn’t that a blast

We danced

Had some fun inside jokes

Told some stories

And shared in some special moments

And the thoughtful and loving way you asked me to the dance

I’ll never forget

And the funny circumstance that it was in

That rose I hold dear

The corsage that I still have

And the dress you picked out for me

These are the moments

I’ll remember for all time

You were the personality type

The caring nature

The rough and tough nature

The loving and goofy nature

And so much more

That I always asked for and prayed for

And you were here

How was I so naive

I miss you

You were taken to young

You’d be 21 today

22 in a few days

You should be here

There’s no difference to me

With five days

To five years

They all feel the same

Some days I’m better at hiding it than others

But just know I love you

And miss you

It’s no joke when they talk about a lovers heart

That day you passed

A little of me passed with you

I became broken

My heart ached

And at times felt like I was going to die

Just from a severe broken heart

From you passing

No one knew this

Or realize this

But you were literally my other half

and

With you gone

I had no idea what to do

I love you so much

This I know you know

January 16th

Was a sorrow day

The day I heard those words

And saw you laying there

I was overwhelmed with sorrow and despair

My person was gone

Would I

Could I

How will I

Ever find someone as great as you

Someone who

Wrote me long messages

Called me any time

Text me first

Loved to hang out whenever possible

Loved to express his care and love

The one who

Knew his worth

And knew mine too

Someone so loyal and caring

Dear and trusting

Someone who

Was just like me

But in another body

I miss you

I miss you

And our little memories we shared

Like skipping class

While you did have a pass lol

Teachers never cared for us

Passing notes in class

To you picking me up from cheer

And hanging out with ma at home

You were my person

Always together

Never far apart

And I truly miss this

I hope you know

I love you

I love you

And cherish you so

I’m sending you a kiss from down below

I hope you catch it

And I hope you know

That you made me a better person

And showed me a new perspective

on this world

That only you could ever show me

So I thank you

Love you

And till we see each other again

I miss you!

Snow flakes

Snow flakes

On the ground

Snow flakes

Snow flakes

All around

Up in the sky

Falling all down

I see snow flakes all around

Pure white

Pure ice

Pure cold

Pure nature

Pure love

The trees covered

In ice crystals and snow

Such a beautiful sight to see

And to embrace it all flow

Snow flakes snow flakes

All around

One delicately lies upon my nose

I chuckle and smile

To embrace these chilling moments

There’s so much beauty

Living within a snowy day

Just as today

So take it in

Love one another

And although it may be cold

Don’t forget the beauty of it all

I hear that song

I think of our time together

It’s one I can’t seem to get out of my head

Why the connection

And why didn’t it last

I want it

Feel like I deserve it

But can’t have it

Memories flood back

Once I hear it again

What’s the point in all of this

What’s the point

What am I doing

Holding on to a tight rope

A rope that’s wavering

Those spoken words

Whom all, hears them?

The song surely flows

It’s puts it back into place

And just like that

It’s done again

A drug

A pull

I’m feeling it deep within

Not like anyone before

Because no one has shared

In this song

Like this

With me

And I hope

No one will ever again