Never just me, always my body.

I’m never enough,

I might as well be skin and bones.

Fooled me once

& fooled me again

why do I come back?

I’m crying now.

I’m always just a body,

Never the chosen lucky treasure!..

He says “I mean if the opportunity arises.”

Fuck you.

Why should I be around that energy

Or allow it.

I feel myself slipping

I’m just a body, always a fucking body.

Never a full person to anyone I’m interested in

At least not for long.

But, what about me?

I don’t like this body.

So what now?

Fuck me.

I’m slipping…

My ED is taking over me.

I’m trying to play it cool

Till insurance in January comes through

But at this rate

Who knows..

I thought he was a light.,

After my darkness before.

A friend, I understand

But better opportunities?, fuck me.

I’m chopped liver.,

If you have another opportunity come

& you take it!

That means I wasn’t good enough,

I’m shit,

I mean,

At this rate…

At least it makes since on how my illness thinks of my body/me.

I don’t know if I can wait.

I don’t know if I can keep the healthy facade on anymore.

I’m spinning…,

I’m spiraling…,

And I don’t know what I’m thinking half the time.,

But I know this illness will kill me,

If I stop fighting..

And tonight is a night that’s not making my fight

So easy

& making the fight seem,

less worth it;